Return to Bloggerland?

Its been awhile... not sure if anybody actually still has my blog linked as one that they follow... but regardless, I've returned to spew content out to the internet world, whether it be read or not.

To be honest, I've missed it - I started blogging/writing when my husband and I were struggling to get pregnant. It was cathartic to share my frustrations with a community of people who were experiencing the same things. When we did get pregnant, there were those in that community who, bless their hearts, wanted to hear about how things were progressing and all that great stuff. But it was harder to write... shifting gears from a blog that was focused on coping with a difficult time in my life to writing about a happy time in my life - being pregnant. And then of course, following a pregnancy is usually an infant and all that is wonderful, frustrating, and absolutely exhausting that comes with it. At that point I didn't think there was anybody who, had I even the time or energy to sit down and write anything meaningful, would be interested in actually reading my drivel about how enamored I was with my son, or how frustrated and tired I was. And really - I don't know if there is anybody who is interested in reading my random thoughts about life now, but as I mentioned earlier, it was cathartic and it helped me, so I'm back again - needing an avenue, and hopefully finding a community like the one I had found two years ago.

So let's see - where am I now? I've been in the workforce aka finished college just shy of 9 years ago, I've been married for just over 5, and my son is just over 1. Now that L is 1 and the category 5 hurricane that hit my life has been reduced to a tropical storm, I've started to move out of survival mode and start looking at my life in general and what is out of balance.

My first assessment - we are way out of whack. Balance is not in existence, and yin and yang need to be reintroduced.

Lately I've been struggling with the career me vs the mommy me. I like my job, I wouldn't call it just a job either - its a career. I have definite goals and things I would like to attain over the next 20-25 years. I like going to work. I stayed at home on maternity leave for four months and by the end of that I was climbing the walls. Don't get me wrong - I love L to pieces and I would not trade him for anything in the world, and over the course of the last year the Mama Bear instinct has come out a few times - I would do anything for him. However - I like going to work, and quite frankly I'm ok with him going to daycare 5 days a week. That is what I struggle with. I read these mommy blogs, and talk to my friends who are moms and all I read and hear is how these women pine to be at home with their kids rather than go to work. Ok fine - that's them. But is there something wrong with me that I don't yearn for that? and I wouldn't quit my job in a heartbeat so I can be home with L all day long? Lately I feel like there is something wrong with me because I do feel that way. A lot of the "working mom" stuff out there is geared towards this too - there's a whole lotta guilt trip going on out there for the working mom. I'm trying to find that community of moms who are like me - they love their children and are doing their very best to provide everything they can for them, but they are successful in their careers and have very firm goals of growing those careers too.

So I ask - is that such a wrong thing to do? Why is it that it feels like moms who work and enjoy their work and have no intention of leaving the workplace (even if they financially could) have to keep that hidden like its a dirty secret?